What To Do on an ELEVATOR



**Warning these procedures will get you at least one of the following: a weird look, a nasty gesture, a mean word or two, or a visit from the police. Let's hope for the first one. **

1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, then push the wrong ones.

4) Pretend to call the "Psychic Hotline" and ask them where you are. Then, get overly dramatic acting like they were right.

5) Hold the door open, and tell everyone that gets on that you're waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close and randomly say, "Hi Greg! How've you been!"

6) Drop a pen and wait for someone to pick it up. Then when someone goes to pick it up, scream "THAT"S MY PEN!!" 

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone on the elevator. Then, quickly put the camera away and pretend to call someone. When you have the people on the elevator's attention, say over the phone, "Yeah boss, I got 'em."

8) Move your desk into the elevator, and when anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

9) Lay down a Twister Mat and ask anyone if they would like to play.

10) Leave a box in the corner and when someone gets on ask them if they can here ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant. When people get on, go over safety proceedures and exits with them. 

12) Get nervous and ask, "Did you feel that?"

13) Stand close to someone and sniff them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay! Do not panic! They will open again!"

15) Swat at flies that don't exist and bump into the other passenger every now and then.

16) When someone gets on, scream, jump up and down, and ask for their autograph.

17) Call out, "Group Hug!" Then enforce it.

18) Grimace painfully, hit your head with your hand or against the wall of the elevator, and say, "Shut up! All of you, just shut up!"

19) Open a bag and say, "Have you got enough air in there?"  

20) Stand silently with your face in the corner, and don't get off.    

21) Stare at a passenger for a while then announce with horror, "YOU'RE ONE OF THEM!!" Then back away slowly and start to whimper.

22) Dress up like a hobo and lay a 1 dollar bill on the ground. When someone comes on, pick it up and scream at the top of your lungs, "I'M RICH!" Then proceed to dance and jump around rubbing it in the other person's face.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethescope and occasionally say, "Yes, yes","Um-hum","Ofcourse","Great scot!",  and "What have you been eating lately?" Then proceed to use your stethescope on a passenger.

24) Make explosion noises when someone presses a button.

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger then announce, "I'm wearing new socks."

26) Draw a square on the floor with chalk or duct tape an stand inside of it. When people push you aside or ask you to move, tell them, "This is my personal space."

27) Pretend like your about the be sick and then act like you're throwing up in your pocket.

28) Start sneezing and coughing really loud and obnoxiouslly.

29) Sit down in the middle of the elevator and pretend to meditate.

30) Put a chair in the middle of the elevator and interrogate anyone that comes in.

**The best effects occur when there is only one other person in the elevator. Do not use on small children.**