1. Chuck Norris can make onions cry.

2. Chuck Norris can delete the RECYCLING BIN.

3. Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

4. Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

5. Chuck Norris doesn't  know where you live but where you will die.

6. The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris...he is the end of all things.

7. If you spell "Chuck Norris" wrong on GOOGLE, it doesn't say "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies "Run while you still have a chance.
(Don't believe me try it!)

8. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

9. One day, Chuck Norris got bit by a cobra. After 5 days of excrutiating pain, the cobra died.

10. Chuck Norris was on WHEEL OF FOURTUNE. The next 29 minuets, everyone was standing around awkwardly waiting for the wheel to stop.

11. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned the sun up.

12. Once, Chuck Norris shot a German Pilot with only his finger and the word "BANG!"

13. In an avarage living room, there are 1,253 objects that Chuck Norris could kill you with...including the room.

14. Chuck Norris destoryed the periodic table of elements because he only recognises the element of surprise.

15. When you say "no one is perfect." Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.

16. Chuck Norris doesn't step away from the vehicle. The vehicle steps away from Chuck Norris.

17. Chuck Norris isn't afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

18. Chuck Norris counted to infinity...TWICE!!

19. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

20. When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was given to the doctors.

21. Chuck Norris doesn't wear sunblock. The sun wears Chuck Block.

22. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

23. Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer, too bad he's never cried.

24. Behind Chuck Norris's beard there is just another fist.

25. Yo mama is so fat...Chuck Norris said so. I wouldn't argue if I was you.

26. If you can see Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris then you're only a few seconds from death.

27. Chuck Norris doesn't sleep...he waits.

28. When the bogeyman goes to sleep, he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.

29. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars. That's why there are no signs of life.

30. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out...it failed misserably.

31. Chuck Norris can speak BRAILLE.

32. When Chuck Norris played golf for money, he marked down a hole in 0 every time. A pro golfer said, "Excuse me sir, but you can't mark 0 on a hole." Chuck turned to him and said, "I'm Chuck Norris." The golfer proceeded to pour gasoline all over his body and light himself on fire because that would be less painful then a roundhouse kick in the face by Chuck Norris...Chuck Norris kicked him anayways.

33. Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiago is.

34. Chuck Norris is the reason WALDO is hiding.

35. Chuck Norris doesn't turn the lights on. He turns the dark off. 

36. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King...and got one.

37. Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight. Not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

38. If Chuck Norris has five dollars and you have five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

39. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

40. There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

(not in any order)